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I Do Not Want It Fading

by Ruth Paz (Sweden)

November 2021

Write the World Review

Audio: "I Do Not Want It Fading," read by Ruth Paz

Two years ago, we stepped across a road. No, I lie; it was five roads with significant distance in-between. But “one” captures the greater spirit so much better. Namely because it was the step, not necessarily in an entirely new direction, but away. Crossing the pavement crystallised my memories into just that: memories. A thing of the past.

I don’t even know if our sweet little lilac, right in the corner of the garden, still blooms in summer. At times, I wake up in my bed, the same squeaky loft bed as before, and for a split second I feel that if I walked down I would stand in my small rosy old room. And it fills me with warmth, with mellow longing. Homesick nostalgia.

At once it is dreadfully, dreadfully, far away and only yesterday. In my mind’s eye, I could turn and be seated with my siblings by our kitchen table. With morning sun beaming through the windows, illuminating tiny tangoing dust particles. If it was a weekend we would be reading manga paperbacks from the local library, to the sound of the ever-present great tit birdsong. Chewing on cereal with chocolatey Oboy-powdered milk. We used to trade places around the table because we all wanted to sit next to mum. My sister hated the noise of our chewing. We were a ‘we’; all four of us.

The air was that of an encapsulation of childhood. Even as childhood escaped us. It was in the very walls, yes, in the subtle yellow paint of the living room. Where I stamped a red thumb-sized Hello Kitty image once. It remained there, with its unfailing upbeat smile, until we left.

Now I am sitting here, typing, soaked in the mist of glue-sticky fingers and mum’s raisin bread. Humming a tune of subconscious remembrance (it’s a Star Wars soundtrack motif and sends me on a tangent; to my brother’s formidable Lego fantasia and to us nestled in front of the saga or playing the—excellent—Lego computer game). And I don’t wish to turn back time. But there’s an abyss of sadness in me because I can’t.




Ruth Paz, age 19, is a newly graduated student from the sixth-biggest city in Sweden. The inspiration for this piece was the bittersweet sensation of growing up and away from her childhood.

#Childhood       #Family        #Memory

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Alefiya

5/17/22, 4:27 PM

Beautiful

Sweety

5/16/22, 11:40 AM

I am waiting with anxiety what does she doesto fight back these things which are very complicate to handle for a teenager...... I am Very anxious because I am in the same situation..... So I want to know what will she do.....

Somma

5/15/22, 3:16 PM

This is such a wonderful piece. I love it so much!

Rain Wind Thunderstorm

5/13/22, 10:46 AM

You are really good at writing. And at such a young age! If you don't mind me saying so, your writing style is warm and cozy. And also at the same time, very deep, meaningful and relatable. I especially loved the "The Reflection" part.

Sierra

5/13/22, 9:28 AM

I really wanna know what does she does to fight back these things which are hard to handle for a teenager.

Mira

5/11/22, 2:37 PM

I loved every word of this. Maybe because I am relating too hard. I hardly possess any of the love or filial piety I am expected to have towards my family. I am dubious of anything my grandmother says to me and have long learned to just swallow it all with a smile though I question how much I know. And. Just. Knowing. That you will be forgotten by your extended family for the rest of the year but still held up to their expectations. Thank you for writing this! I'll always remember a beautiful #ownvoices story :).

Srishti Roy

5/10/22, 6:57 AM

I really am curious about how she is gonna fight this situation and will she be able to fulfill her dreams which she once had

Alena

5/6/22, 2:03 PM

Ooh I really love this! What a great ending too. Fellow students, we've got this!

Alena

5/6/22, 1:53 PM

I love this piece so much. Novels and writing rarely makes me cry, but this was just too relatable.

Alena

5/6/22, 1:51 PM

This was so beautiful, and created such a detailed image in my mind!

glitterdays

5/6/22, 11:35 AM

I thought that was a truly insightful piece. As a teen writer myself, your words were a refreshing reminder of the meaning behind adolescence. Thank you for bringing your writing into the world, and hope to see more of it soon.