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I Do Not Want It Fading

by Ruth Paz (Sweden)

November 2021

Write the World Review

Audio: "I Do Not Want It Fading," read by Ruth Paz

Two years ago, we stepped across a road. No, I lie; it was five roads with significant distance in-between. But “one” captures the greater spirit so much better. Namely because it was the step, not necessarily in an entirely new direction, but away. Crossing the pavement crystallised my memories into just that: memories. A thing of the past.

I don’t even know if our sweet little lilac, right in the corner of the garden, still blooms in summer. At times, I wake up in my bed, the same squeaky loft bed as before, and for a split second I feel that if I walked down I would stand in my small rosy old room. And it fills me with warmth, with mellow longing. Homesick nostalgia.

At once it is dreadfully, dreadfully, far away and only yesterday. In my mind’s eye, I could turn and be seated with my siblings by our kitchen table. With morning sun beaming through the windows, illuminating tiny tangoing dust particles. If it was a weekend we would be reading manga paperbacks from the local library, to the sound of the ever-present great tit birdsong. Chewing on cereal with chocolatey Oboy-powdered milk. We used to trade places around the table because we all wanted to sit next to mum. My sister hated the noise of our chewing. We were a ‘we’; all four of us.

The air was that of an encapsulation of childhood. Even as childhood escaped us. It was in the very walls, yes, in the subtle yellow paint of the living room. Where I stamped a red thumb-sized Hello Kitty image once. It remained there, with its unfailing upbeat smile, until we left.

Now I am sitting here, typing, soaked in the mist of glue-sticky fingers and mum’s raisin bread. Humming a tune of subconscious remembrance (it’s a Star Wars soundtrack motif and sends me on a tangent; to my brother’s formidable Lego fantasia and to us nestled in front of the saga or playing the—excellent—Lego computer game). And I don’t wish to turn back time. But there’s an abyss of sadness in me because I can’t.




Ruth Paz, age 19, is a newly graduated student from the sixth-biggest city in Sweden. The inspiration for this piece was the bittersweet sensation of growing up and away from her childhood.

#Childhood       #Family        #Memory

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Lauren hudd

2/3/23, 12:21 AM

Reading this story was realistic and relatble

Ellen

2/2/23, 11:27 AM

"I collected little glimpses of the north to hoard away for the future, like treasure" is such a beautiful line!

Ellen

2/2/23, 11:23 AM

What a fascinating piece!

2/2/23, 5:21 AM

One of my favorite pieces ever published on Write the World!

clare

2/2/23, 4:41 AM

Well done Everett on this powerful piece. I hope you continue to write!

Clare

2/2/23, 4:40 AM

Well done Genevieve - what a beautiful and evocative piece of writing!

1/17/23, 2:15 AM

This is so beautiful

Poemsforsleeplesssouls

1/16/23, 3:52 PM

I love all of it. It’s so real and so many feelings are there.

Ande

1/5/23, 6:02 PM

This is amazing. Do not ever stop. That is really inspirational, the whole writing piece made me want to help.

Minaxi

1/3/23, 7:19 PM

This article was absolutely amazing! I am so thankful to live in a country where periods and sex are fairly normalized, but I will never forget to educate myself about the lack of education others have. It pains me to know that in countries like India, girls are still put down about what they where and how they act. It was very brave of you to share your voice, and I commend you endlessly for that.

Brooke

12/8/22, 7:25 PM

I really love this! I, myself, am not black, but I know of a lot of good black people. Sadly, I will admit, at one time, I used to think of a black community filled with gangs and poverty. But I know now how perfectly capable it is to live together if only we got rid of the stereotype that is so, so wrong. I do hope you accomplish this. This will great for our country.

Sorry but can't share the name

12/7/22, 10:40 AM

Basically I don't know how to react.
All the conservatives should be reading this.........

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